Banned from zoo.
Again?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
