you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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