can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
