Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
