I can't breathe out the right side of my face
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
