Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
