Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
