Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Congratulations! We have a period
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
