sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
