Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
