she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
