I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
