shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
