So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
