In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
