i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
