It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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