WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
