You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
