new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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