I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
