weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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