I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
