I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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