Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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