Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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