i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
