If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
