You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
