So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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