I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
