My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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