we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
