Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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