I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
