so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
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Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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