Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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