I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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