3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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