all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
