Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
