dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
