You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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