I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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