I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
