While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
