so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Boobs speak an international language.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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