you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
