this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
