Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
