I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
