I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
