The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize