OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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