Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
