Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
