So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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