even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
