if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize