i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
