Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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