I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
