He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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