just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
