Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
