I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
babies were throwing up all over the place
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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