it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
