I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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