I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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