Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
