Who wears a wallet chain?!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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