Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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