All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
