Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
