Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
