I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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