I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
