Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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