Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
