I think I died a long time ago.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
ok first of all what the fuck
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