and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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