i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
