wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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