I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
