i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
