I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
